"There is a high probability your son is autistic"
Those words change your life. You know something is a little different that it was with the other kids. But you have other kids so sometimes you don't pay as much attention as you should. You didn't realize that your baby stopped talking, or using a spoon. His siblings are loud, so maybe he's just quiet. Maybe he doesn't have much to say. Not my baby.
We are still on the process of testing and learning and figuring out what is an official diagnosis for our Davis. We have an unofficial diagnosis that will need to be re-tested as he gets closer to three.
It's an emotional thing to write about because I think it's an ongoing process of understanding. We learn daily new things to do or to avoid. We do not sing the birthday song and we do not clap. We always have a few cars around because those keep him calm. I look at his sweet face and just want to fix everything and make it perfect for him. No struggles, no special circumstances. And that is the hardest part. I can't. So, he is fixing me. Teaching me to fight and be stronger than I thought I could be. As a mom, you want to protect and isolate and I can't. He needs to share his heart with the world. As he finds his voice, he will share that as well. I will sit back, sobbing with pride, but not clapping.